The Motherfucker with the Hat
Writer · Play · 2011
Jackie is a former drug dealer who has just been released from prison to join the American workforce. His girlfriend Veronica, however, still uses cocaine and other drugs. The play begins with an intense and comic phone conversation between Veronica and her mother, who's also an addict. Jackie arrives shortly thereafter. Just as Jackie and Veronica are jumping into bed, he sees a hat in her apartment. Realizing it is not his, he accuses her of cheating, going to his drug and parole counselor, Ralph D., for help. Meanwhile, Ralph's wife, Victoria, has "had it up to here with his helium." Jackie obtains a gun. Ralph insists that he not keep it, so he gives it to his cousin Julio for safekeeping. Jackie reveals that he had slept with his previous Alcoholics Anonymous counselor, which may be part of the reason Veronica mistrusts him. Later, Veronica is entertaining a lover, which is revealed to be Ralph. They had slept together a handful of times while Jackie was in prison. Meanwhile, Jackie gets the gun back and returns the hat to a man in their building who he thinks is its owner. He then throws it on the floor and shoots it. Jackie talks about this with Victoria, who is tired of Ralph's cheating and begs Jackie to sleep with her. She reveals to him that Veronica and Ralph have slept together—Ralph was really "the motherfucker with the hat." Jackie shows up at Veronica's apartment drunk, hurt because they have been in love since high school. When he gets loud, she hits him with a bat. Julio takes Jackie in. He reveals that he is grateful because, years ago, Jackie showed unexpected kindness to him. Jackie wants to confront Ralph, and Julio is willing to cover his back, claiming to be a "Van Damme". Jackie goes to Ralph's. The two men try to fight it out but end up futilely wrestling on the floor. Ralph admits he slept with Veronica and explains that she will never love him until she chooses to sober up. In spite of everything, he would like to be friends with Jackie. Jackie refuses to accept his friendship and returns to the apartment to pick up his things. He has broken parole by shooting the gun and is heading off to prison for a short stint. He tries to tell Veronica he loves her, but she runs out of the room, unwilling to listen. He leaves. A few moments later, Veronica comes out of hiding and calls his name.